This song I'm feeling right now. The parts highlighted represent my relationship....

"Volcano" By Damien Rice

Volcano by Damien Rice

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth, and back
And that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask

What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no,
no just another phase of finding
what I really need is what makes me bleed
And like a new disease,
Lord, she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt you down
She's still too young
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me

I wrote this on www.myspace.com/kategotsoul.
Its worth sharing on this one too.

i've crashed and burned
too blinded by flame
too haunted by shame
chained

i have lost the only things that i loved
the loss of deity and humanity
the only things that taught me to love
are burned out of me
festered sores
blistered into faint scars
of time gone and withered

will i ever be the same / from these flames

"Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" By LeAnn Rimes


Check this video out. This song has been speaking a lot to my loneliness. Even though I haven't lost anyone to death recently, I feel this way about loved ones back home. "I'm so lucky to have the chance to love this much."

Pink

i've got a stain on my forehead
and it looks a little pink
i think its from my lack of trust
or just my lack of sleep
or maybe its from all the socializing
i do with all these girls
all the talk all the time
that makes my head swirl

feminine mysticism
filling up my hours
allowing me to recognize
that women do have power

but maybe the pink
isn't from the women
who now have become my friends
maybe the stain is from the wall
that i keep banging my head

see i want to be alone
yet i don't want to be lonely
so i sabatoge my days
with trying to be phoney

and it works
and i'm hurt
when i could be celebrating
that pink, yes pink,
looks pretty good on me

i'm pretty sure this poem makes sense to only me.

It has been far too long since I wrote in this thing. I have moved to Fresno to work with the urban community since the middle of August. Its been a challenge since I am alone a lot. I have been lonely. But things are starting to pick up and I am having to trust that God lead me here for a reason. I have been reading proverbs lately. Its not one of those books in the bible where you can rush right through. I was stuck forever on "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge". It is such a complex thought.

I'll you dwell in that thought.

my days are still
and long
where silence only breaks
when sirens fill the sky

and I wonder
why I am here
where the farms are dry desert
and the city is abandoned to die

drought of life on many levels

here I sit
on balcony bright
and wisdom light
waiting for my life to begin