i am wrestling with my God
just as Jacob did
not necessarily to get something
but discover who my God is
when will I ever understand
when will live the way he intends
loving and fearing only him....


I have been reading "Daring to Draw Near" by John White. It's challenging. I am not sure where I stand with God. But I am so willing to figure it out with God's help. I want to live a life that is full of God's presence and will. I made a list of what that may look like. To love and fear God entails way more than the phrase lets on.


....in regards to the story of Jacob....
" Have you ever tried wrestling with lumbago or a slipped disc? If you should ever find yourself in Jacob's situation, let me tell you what you will do...
You will CLING... Either you cling or you fall..."

Funny how God brings us to a place where either we cling or fall.

"i refuse to be locked in here like a prison cell/ where all i ever get is a meal and four walls/ i used be just fine in here/ but not anymore/ i am going break through these steel bars"
-jill phillips steel bars